Part of being a new parent is learning how to navigate life and all of its social circles, new and old. You’re probably part of a new group of friends who have kids and you’re quickly learning what is acceptable and what is not so acceptable. Part of your new social group might even include moms going on maternity leave. This is an extremely emotional and important time in a mother’s life and, as with other situations in life, there are a few things you probably should never say to a mother on, going on or exiting maternity leave!

1. Don’t ask if she’s excited to go back to work. Aside from the fact that this is literally the one question every asks, it puts that mother in an interesting situation. If that mother does want to go back to work, they may feel judged for saying that. If she’s not looking forward to going back to work, this could be a highly emotional time for her and asking that question may not be so innocent.

2. How much time do you get for maternity? …That’s it!?! Maternity leave might not be as long as we’d like, but we all do the best with what we’ve got! Moms cherish every second they’re with their babies. It is important that parents support parents, and that we don’t judge how early someone puts their baby in daycare or other decisions they make.

3. Breastfeeding is no fun at work! Your body. Your baby. Your terms. If you want to breastfeed, then you should breastfeed. Not all mom experiences are not created equal. Just because one woman has a bad experience with breastfeeding does not mean you will.

4. You don’t spend a lot of time with your baby. A working mother never needs to be reminded of the time she’s missing, and she’s not doing it on purpose. You don’t know her situation and you might not realize in order to feed her family she may have to work more than you. A working mother is not a bad mother. Exiting maternity leave and going back to work can also be harder than it looks, so it’s important not to judge how difficult this is for that mother solely by the brave face she is probably maintaining in the office.

5. You look tired. Wow. This should be filed under things people should just know not to say, but sometimes things just get blurted out. A new mom probably is tired, but knowing she looks tired can be substantially worse than actually being tired to a new mom who thinks she’s handling everything with grace and stride. Instead of stating the obvious, consider throwing a compliment her way? Something as small as telling her you like her top could be the highlight of her day. It’s the little things.

The most important thing to remember when being around a mom who is going on, is already on, or exiting maternity leave is that they’re doing the best they can and what they think is right for their baby and their family. Mom-ing should be a judgment-free zone! It’s okay to give advice, but do it in a way that is constructive.