Dealing With the Word "No"

There comes a time when every parent starts to question their abilities.  A lot of parents encounter this type of situation when their toddler learns the word “No”.  A recent study in child development revealed that two and three-year-olds argue with their parents about 20 – 25 times per hour!  Most of these arguments are fueled by their new vocabulary.  Saying “No”, though, is actually not only normal but completely healthy behavior.

Obviously, giving in to your toddler every time they decide defiance is the way to go won’t get you very far.  It sets a pretty bad precedent. Unfortunately, they probably learned this word from you.  This makes things even trickier.  Rather than telling your child “No” all the time, human development and family studies professionals agree parents should just tell their children what behavior they do want.  For example, it is unsafe for your toddler to stand on a chair alone.  Yelling, “No standing on the chair” might not be as effective as explaining why they shouldn’t stand on the chair. 

Additionally, child behavior specialists say that when your child adamantly says “No”, try to lead them into making their own decisions. In a lot of cases, saying “No” is a learned behavior and toddlers don’t exactly know why they’re saying it. Try to get them to explain themselves.  This might lead them to the behavior you wanted in the first place.

Of course, rewarding good behavior is the best way to break bad behavior.  Even more important, try not to reward bad behavior on accident.  It’s very easy to give into rewards to stop a bad action.  For example, a toddler tantrum at the grocery store is often best solved by giving in to the cookie purchase.  This is just reinforcing the negative behavior.  If you succumb to your toddler’s desire every time they use the word “No” they will quickly learn how effective it is.  Sometimes, their “No” is really your “Yes”.  They must learn this lesson.

Finally, be prepared for a no-fest.  There are certain things that will trigger your toddler.  Naptime, mealtime, a trip to the doctor or even meeting new friends.  These are all stressful situations for your toddler and their coping mechanism might just be to opt out with a simple, “No”.  Stand your ground!  Remember, nobody said parenting was easy and there’s a reason why we call this age the Terrible Twos.