Tempers, Tears & Tantrums Explained

Emotions are hard to manage and even harder to articulate.  When you’re just learning about the world around you and what it means, the way toddlers are, communicating what you feel and why can be tricky.

As parents, deciphering behavior can also be difficult.  For first time parents especially, understanding that toddlers need help understanding what they’re feeling is important to helping your toddler understand acceptable emotional responses.  

Often times, a toddler’s behavior isn’t directly correlated to an obvious issue. For example, consider what your toddler may feel when they avoid eye contact.  Most parents believe this is a byproduct of lack of focus or hyperactivity, but in reality your toddler could be feeling embarrassed.  An aversion of the eyes is often a way to signal your child is overwhelmed, or even embarrassed, by their own actions.  It can symbolize feelings of disappointment. 

Has your toddler ever taken every single toy or stuffed animal with them to bed?  Contrary to popular believe, this doesn’t usually mean they’re starved for attention but often means they’re scared.  Think about it – children find comfort in certain toys.  This is the age when imagination runs wild and nightmares start to manifest in dreams and monsters become a reality. Keeping familiar objects close by is soothing.

Then there’s the infamous lifting of the shirt. This is actually a pretty typical toddler response when they meet a new person and it’s super normal!  This is an act of anxiety. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a brand new situation with new sensory triggers, meeting all new people I might not want to put my shirt over my face but I do sometimes feel apprehensive, alert and nervous.  In these situations, your parenting skills definitely need to go into overdrive.  Provide your toddler with subtle indications that they’re safe and try to make them comfortable.  A little side hug and hand squeeze can go a long way in these situations. 

Finally, there’s the all too familiar tantrum.  All parents dread it, but when you’ve got a toddler tantrums are just inevitable.  Tantrums are tricky because they could mean so many different things.  Most of the time, we have to assume children aren’t acting out just to act out.  It could mean they’re tired – think about what their sleep schedule might have looked like and if this is a possibility.  Tantrums could be triggered by boredom or even need for attention. In these cases you definitely want to redirect their attention and ensure your child understands a tantrum is not acceptable. 

Truth be told, toddler behaviors aren’t always what they seem.  Meanings can be masked behind tears and tempers, but as parents ,this is when we really get to shine.  So put on your invisible cape and always do a little detective work before reacting to a behavior.  It’s not just about solving the problem at hand.  The way parents react to their children, especially during this critical time of development, helps define acceptable behavior.